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This is just about the best time of year. The work is done. Two glorious months of freedom lie ahead of you. But… as we discussed in June, returning home, or even just spending large amounts of time with your family, can be stressful in itself.
Going away to university is about change. You have been exposed to a new world, new people, new situations. At first you may have been shocked. You may have judged and condenmed. Then you started questioning your own knowledge and moral framework. You felt lost. Who are you? Slowly, painfully, a new you began to emerge. Listen to this student:
I remember in first year when I was still vigilant and alert to everything new in my life. I was in a small group tutorial with one of the best people I have met at university, my firstyear mentor. One of the most vivid moments of the whole experience is the time he told us that university is, more than anything, a prolonged self-defining period in an individual’s life. He carried on to explain that the university years will determine who an individual is and that if one leaves university without having learnt who they are, chances are that they will struggle even further. I have been through multiple life-changing situations throughout my three years at the university but none of them have been as fruitful in experience and growth as this (first) year.
Going home may present a problem, because the people at home have not gone through the same process. They have remained pretty much the same. They might even be somewhat threatened by the new you.
Here are some tips for dealing with this situation:
Expect the homecoming to be difficult – it may be a challenge to your still fragile new identity.Understand why both you and the people who stayed behind experience such intense emotions about the differences and distances that have entered your relationship. A handy tool to help you do this can be found in Dr David Rock’s SCARF model. Watch this video for a great explanation – think of yourself and your family as you listen to the young doctor laying it out.Respect is key. Respect is about seeing people in their own unique light.Respect those who stayed behind by relating your adventures in an entertaining, non-threatening way.
Hopefully you will experience your family’s regard for you as unconditional, like the student who wrote this:
The last time I went home I thought I was going home just to forget about school and just chill like other kids. What really touched my heart was the moment I saw my mother. I just watched her and tears started rolling down my eyes. What amazed me was that every time she saw me she smiled. What I have now decided to do is get up and do my best because she believes in me.
Enjoy the playtime, and the reconnection with your people.
From next week until the end of January we will be doing something different. We’re bringing you inspirational stories of South Africans who faced enormous challenges, starting out from often bleak circumstances, and who managed to change their own and their families’ lives in one generation. The articles go with a podcast series first published on The Change Exchange.
In the meantime, happy holidays!
The GRAD team
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GRAD – your guide to university success is a partnership project of Ruda Landman, StudyTrust, Van Schaik Publishers and Capitec Bank.