| Holidays are here! Time to play, to let go of all the stress of the year. Perhaps time for a new relationship, or more time together if you already have someone special. But … let’s just take a moment to think about that before you fall into all the excitement. What does love mean? If you say, “My granny loves me,” what do you mean? * She wants what’s best for me. * She listens to me. * She accepts me, even if I’ve made a mistake. * I trust her. She trusts me. * If I am not okay, she wants to help. What else can you think of? Respect. Honesty. Support, not making you feel small. Before you love someone else, first find in your heart love for yourself. Listen to this beautiful poem called Desiderata: You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars You have a right to be here Do not compare yourself to others. Not all trees are tall, not all stars are equally bright. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself Give yourself respect, honesty, support and acceptance. It’s often hard, but try. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. Now: that other person who takes your breath away and makes your heart race. Enjoy it, enjoy every moment … but if something bothers you, if you feel there is a small pebble in your shoe, don’t disregard it. Think, when you’re alone and not under the spell of a kiss: does this person really respect me? Listen to me? Support me? Jealousy is not a compliment. It shows a lack of trust. The first time someone hurts you physically, walk away AND TELL ANOTHER PERSON WHO CAN SERVE AS YOUR WITNESS. Do not hide. It is not you who should be ashamed. If your partner comes back, begging for forgiveness and promising it will never happen again, go back to your “witness”: having seen you after it happened, would they want you to be with this person? The physical side Love is of course (delightfully!) also physical. You want to look, and to kiss, and to touch… That’s great, but handle with care. Sex is important. It can have enormous emotional and physical consequences. Make sure that whatever you do is the result of a conscious choice. Decide for yourself, clearly, preferably when you’re alone, what is ok for you and what is not. Other people’s opinions don’t matter. It’s about what you want and don’t want. Don’t fall for the line, “If you love me, you will…” No. If your partner loves YOU, he or she will not try and make you do something that makes you uncomfortable and unhappy. Physical intimacy should build the relationship and bring you closer. When you look at each other tomorrow, neither of you should be angry or ashamed. It has been said that men give love to get sex, and women give sex to get love. Don’t be that guy. Don’t be that girl. Make sure that the love and the sex are part of mutual sharing and giving. Every one of us has their own views and beliefs about the rights and wrongs of sex. That is up to you. But whatever you believe to be right or wrong, there are always consequences. * Unprotected sex can cause HIV or other diseases. * Unprotected sex can start a baby. Can you live with that? Do you want to? A baby will change your life forever. Do not let it happen because you were not thinking straight, or you wanted to be cool, or you did not want to lose the guy, or you wanted something to brag about. Apart from yourselves, it is completely unfair to the baby. Imagine having to make a decision about an unwanted pregnancy. What will it mean to you? And to your family? You do not have to face this alone. Get counselling. Contact Childline or Lifeline. This is a time of intense relationships… which may not last. Few people actually stay with their school sweethearts. Enjoy every moment, but don’t put your whole future on the table. You will have many more choices. Be ready for them as well. From next week until the end of January we will be doing something different. We’re bringing you inspirational stories of South Africans who faced enormous challenges, starting out from often bleak circumstances, and who managed to change their own and their families’ lives in one generation. The articles go with a podcast series first published on The Change Exchange. In the meantime, happy holidays! The GRAD team |
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| GRAD – your guide to university success is a partnership project of Ruda Landman, StudyTrust, Van Schaik Publishers and Capitec Bank |
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